March 24, 2014 by Toku on Mindset

The One Email You Should Write Everyday

About a year ago I watched a TED talk that outlined some very simple things you could do to make yourself happier. Some of them I had heard before, like exercising and meditating. But one idea that stuck out was when they encouraged everyone, to do one daily good deed, by sending out a nice email every morning.

Instantly, I loved the simplicity of this idea as well as its ritualistic nature. How often do we get so caught up in our own affairs and forget to reach out to the people who make our lives better?

And so, for the past six to nine months I’ve been writing at least one nice email everyday.

Some of the emails have been simple thank you notes to people who were nice to me. Some of them were to old friends to let them know how much they meant. And some of them were to people who I thought needed to hear something nice.

But each email changed the way I saw the recipient, as well as the way I saw myself. Here are some things I discovered about the practice of sending one nice email a day.

Writing Nice Emails Is Easier Than You Think

One thing that amazed me was how easy nice emails are to write. When I started this practice, I was worried that my emails would seem forced. That I would come off sounding inauthentic. And that people wouldn’t take me seriously.

But I found as I started to write my heart would step forward and I would able to write with sincerity.

I realized we don’t have to go far to find admiration for the people in our lives. Instead I found that again and again, I was inspired by all the amazing, kind, beautiful, smart, and talented people I’ve been blessed to know.

People Appreciate Small Gestures More Than You Realize

Often not long after I hit send I’d receive a reply telling me how much my email had meant.

One reply I received was from an old teacher who told me my email had come at a moment when he had been doubting his choice of profession. Another came from an old friend who told me they had been facing some hard times I had known nothing about.

And while I didn’t write the emails so people would thank me, each reply made me so blessed to have been able to offer kind words to others in their time of need.

You Don’t Realize How Much You Mean to Others

While I didn’t send these emails so that other people would appreciate me, I did receive many kind emails in return.

Best of all, their replies reveled qualities in me that others admired, but that I’d never considered a strength.

The emails I got in return helped me to really absorbed the compassion of others. And to see how our lives often touch others in mysterious ways.

And while it’s totally fine when I don’t get a reply. The bounty I did receive far outweighed the cost of a few minutes of typing.

Being Kind is its Own Reward

Despite the personal benefits and kind replies, the best thing I’ve gotten from this practice is a more positive outlook. Everyday I remember to write an email I find that it’s harder to be grumpy or sad. Plus it’s changed the way I look at the people around me.

Part of rediscovering deep admiration for everyone in my life has been to realize that everyone admires, inspires, and cares about each other more than you ever would’ve guessed.

How To Get Started:

The best thing about the nice email practice is how simple it is to get started.

1. Make a Top Ten List

Make a list of the top 10 people you’d like to tell how much you care or how much you appreciate. Pick people who’ll be easy and fun to write to.

Then every morning write a short email or letter to one person on the list. This short list will get you started and it’ll encourage you connect with old friends, acknowledge the people who have helped you, and get grounded in gratitude.

2. Select a Phase or Location of Your Life to Focus On.

After you finish your first list, it can be hard to know where to go next. I’ve found that if I focus my energy on appreciating one group of friends or one time in my life that it’s much easier to keep going.

When I first started writing nice emails, I wrote quite a few to my friends back in Nashville. I hadn’t kept in touch with many of them when I moved and I wanted to reach out and reconnect. Eventually I had written to most of my closet friends from my old how town.

By focusing on my friends in Nashville, not only was it easier for me to pick subjects, it was easier for me to connect with and remember all the things I loved about those friends and those times in my life.

3. Go All Willy Nilly

Eventually a day will come where you aren’t sure whom you should write to. When this happens I usually just go into my contact list or onto my friends page on Facebook and pick someone at random.

While this can be harder, I’ve found that by going on and looking with an open heart, I often find people to express kindness to that I might normally miss.

This method has helped me write emails to long lost college friends and even to fellow employees from jobs I can hardly remember. But each time I’ve been glad to realize how even these small players of my small life have had an impact on who I am.

Final Thoughts

There are so many things we can and do spend time on. And it can be easy to believe that sending a nice email a day is a silly or pointless exercise.

But what I’ve discovered is that despite all the Upworthy posts and the touching YouTube videos so many of us are starved for real personal appreciation.

And this simple act of sending a nice email not only offers a true blessing to the world, but it is one of the easiest ways to make everyday I little better.

So I invite you to try it. Close this post and open up a composition widow, and send a email to someone you love. Then come back and tell me how it went. I promise it’s an amazing way to begin your day.

February 12, 2014 by Toku on Skillset

My Instant Fitness Transformation

Running in the City at Night

Tonight I went for a run on a soggy night in Portland and as I hit the waterfront I was struck by how beautiful the city looked.

The lights shone soft and smooth through the falling rain. The shimmering ground reflected patches of architecture that shattered as I stepped through them. And the whoosh of the cars joined the tiny pats of water falling on my hood to create a soundscape so subtle and familiar that I couldn’t help but smile.

As I ran, I realized that this more than anything else is why I exercise. Sure there’s the living longer, the looking younger, and the stress relief. But I get all of those things from exercise. There are only the ends to the exercise means.

The real reasons I exercise are the moments where my body and heart transport me to another place. Even when that other place is one I’ve been to many times.

You see, some people think that exercise changes your life because you lose weight or build muscle. But the truth is that exercise changes your life because the act itself transports and transforms you.

You don’t have to wait for the results because the results are instantaneous. In fact waiting for the results will only make you miss how everything change the moment you step out the door.

To me that’s what living an active mindful life is all about.

Instant Fitness Transformation

The key to this instant transformation is simple, but not always easy. All you have to do is:

1. Let go of results –

The results don’t come from the future, they come straight from your body as you move.

2. Let go of expectations –

easy or hard, each moment of exercise can bring a new discovery if you let it.

3. Let go of your image –

No matter what you do, your body will eventually fall apart. But this moment can be powerful, if it’s not about how you look.

4. Let go of imperfection –

Don’t believe people when they tell you you’re broken. Instead, listen to the truth in your heart that tells you you’re whole.

5. Let go of yourself –

The real transformative power of exercise comes when you get out of the way. The energy that flows through you is ancient and primal. When you become open to moving without it being about you, then you can truly access a place of amazing presence.

Invitation

I invite you to join me in changing our lives, not by running a hundred miles, but by running the next one with attention.

I invite you to join me in this present moment, whenever we get the chance.

I invite you to join me in exercising the power of your life.

Because exercise isn’t just the path. Exercise and the connection it creates to your body is the destination you arrive at over and over again on the journey to a more mindful and balanced life.

October 30, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

Which World Do You Belong To?

I recently saw this Image

And then I read about the controversy that surrounded it.

The thing I took away was that for some people there exists two worlds.

The Two Worlds

The first world:

is made up of people that look like this

And This

And They Eat Things Like This:

And This

And They Post Things On Their Facebook Pages Like This:

And This

The Second World

is made up of people that look like this

And This

And They Eat Things Like This:

And This

And They Post Things On Their Facebook Pages Like This:

And This

If you read the internet then you probably think

This is what the first world thinks about themselves:

I worked hard to get this body and I’m proud of it.
I’m sexy and people like that, how could that be wrong.
Life is about staying focused, being successful, and looking good.

This is what the second world thinks about themselves:

It’s not my fault I’m overweight. It’s bad genetics, it’s McDonalds, it’s my kids etc.
I hate that I’m fat, but I can’t change it.
I look awful and feel awful about myself
or
I’m proud to be fat and I don’t give a crap what you think.

This is what the first world thinks about the second:

Stop making excuses and start getting in shape.
You have no one to blame for your weight but you. If you worked as hard as I do you could look as good as me.
It sucks that people bully you, but what do you expect. If you really want to shut them up pick up a barbell and put down that fork.

This is what the second world thinks about the first:

Those fitness models probably all have eating disorders.
Fit people have OCD and they are all about shaming fat people.
Those bodies aren’t realistic and they are causing people to hate themselves.

Well I’m here to tell you that all of this is:

BULLSHIT

We all live in one world where people look like this:

And This

And This

And This

And They Eat Things Like This:

And This

And They Post Things On Their Facebook Pages Like This:

And This

The One World

The world is complicated and diverse. But there is one of it.

So I encourage you to not put yourself in one group or another, but to see that we all long to be more whole, to be more connected, to be more wise, and to be more loving.

The problem with images like this

Is that they divide the world into two.

Those that make excuses and those that don’t

Those that work hard and those that don’t

Those that look like this and those that don’t.

But there aren’t two worlds, there aren’t two moons, and there aren’t two you’s.

The you who you are and you who could be.

There is only you perfect and whole just as you are.

And everything you are, or have been, or will be is right there in the center of your chest.

Whenever you forget this –

Close your eyes

And say to yourself

May I be free from fear and anxiety

May I be at ease

May I be happy

Repeat this whenever you need a moment to love who you are right here right now

Thanks for reading! Please subscribe this blog to join hundreds of people who want to honor their lives and create amazing lasting change. Plus get your free guide A Sexy Guide to Your Sexy Mind just for signing up.)

If you liked this post you might also like these posts:

How NOT to Suck at Dieting

Why Being Perfect Sucks

Minimalist Health: 5 Unbelievably Easy Ways To Live Healthier

Mind Fit Food – 5 Tips for Keeping a Mindful Fitness Journal

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Photo Credits

March 17, 2013 by Toku on Meditations

Interview with Lori Deschene: Founder of TinyBuddha.com

This week I was lucky enough to interview a person I admire greatly, the founder of TinyBuddha.com Lori Deschene.

Her blog and Twitter feed inspires thousands of people around the world. She shares simple wisdom in the form of quotes, writings, and books. She also shares amazing content from many inspiring writers and seekers.

Before Lori published my posts on TinyBuddha.com I was a small blogger with just a few dozen readers. Because of her help my blog has gotten thousands of views and has hundreds of subscribers.

Thanks
I want to take this chance to thank her for the community she has built, the opportunity she has given me, and the inspiring example she is setting with TinyBuddha.com

If you don’t know about her or her blog please go over and check it out. I know you won’t be disappointed.

Interview
She was nice enough to take the time to answer a few questions for this humble blog. I hope you all enjoy her answers as much as I did.

1. A big thing about Tiny Buddha is sharing inspiring quotes. Have these sayings given your strength through difficult times?

Absolutely! There’s one quote that’s impacted me more than any other: “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.”

This is one I found during one of the lowest times of my life, when I was living an isolated existence in a low-income dorm-style Manhattan building. I had no money, no friends, no self-respect, and, I thought, no hope.

But this quote changed my perspective. I formerly thought my circumstances defined me, but suddenly I considered that maybe I wasn’t the sum of my mistakes; maybe I could be the strength I found to learn from them and move beyond them.

This particular experience happened a few years before I started tinybuddha.com, but I continue to use this as a personal mantra. And I always reflect on the daily quote—which makes sense given that I often choose them based on what I’m dealing with at a given time!

2. Who is the most quotable person in your life?
Interesting question! I’d have to say my boyfriend. He’s someone I turn to for guidance and support because he’s insightful and wise beyond his years. That’s something that drew me to him initially.

He embodies all the qualities I aspire to possess: he has a sense of childlike wonder and presence; he sees the best in people and gives them the benefit of the doubt; and he knows that gratitude is the key to happiness.

3. What exciting projects are you working on right now? When can we expect to see them come online?
I’m working on a few exciting things right now! Sometime within the next few weeks, I plan to launch a new, responsive design and forums. I’m in the initial phases of building a Tiny Buddha iPhone app, which I hope to launch in a few months.

I’m planning a second site with my first ever eCourse (in partnership with my boyfriend, actually), which should be up by June or July. And I’m also preparing to launch my second book, Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Self-Love, this fall.

4. Do you think that using others quotes limits creativity or does it support the creative process? And why?
That’s an interesting question. I never really thought about whether it limits creativity, but I suppose it could for some.

I wanted to run the blog this way, having all posts start with a quote, because the site came after the Twitter account, which was a quote feed.

I wondered how many of us actually applied those daily thoughts to our lives; and I hoped that by encouraging people to share stories related to the quotes, it would inspire us to focus more on doing that.

Especially now that we have so much information at our fingertips, it’s tempting to consume ideas without really reflecting on them and doing something with them.

Requiring people to write with quotes in mind may limit the experience of writing, but I hope it enhances the experience of living!

5. What is your experience with mindfulness and exercise practice? Have either or both taught you any valuable lessons?
Both have taught me valuable lessons. Mindfulness has taught me that I truly can “start over” at any time. I don’t need to carry the weight of who or where I’ve been—every moment can be a fresh start if I’m willing to let it be.

Exercise is something I’ve learned a lot from, but I’m not currently applying those lessons very well! Since I moved out of my apartment a month back, I’ve been hopping around and I haven’t stuck to a routine. However, I know that I am happier and more balanced when I prioritize exercise.

It’s not just about my body—something I thought years ago. It’s about my overall well-being. It’s a big part of being good to myself, and it affects my ability to be good for others.

6. How do people transform their lives?
There are lots of ways—but I suggest starting by changing your thoughts. If we can take responsibility for ourselves without blaming ourselves, and challenge the beliefs that keep us stuck, we’re in good shape to start creating real change. Beyond that, I suggest focusing on the tiny things. It’s less overwhelming, therefore easier to maintain consistency, and, the small things all add up!

Thanks again Lori for taking the time to answer these questions. If you don’t know about Lori please check out her blog and twitter feed.

Posts I’ve written for TinyBuddha
3 Mar When You Feel Terrified: Come Out of the Panic Zone

12 Dec 5 Powerful Things to Do for Yourself When You’re Sick

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha, a community blog that features stories and insights from readers all over the globe. Since it launched in 2009, Tiny Buddha has grown into one of the most popular inspirational sites on the web, with more than 1 million social media friends. Lori runs the site as a group effort because she believes we all have something to teach and something to learn. She is the author of Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions and the Tiny Wisdom eBooks series.

March 12, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

I Love It When You Screw Up

WTF ?!?
WTF Are You Talking About?!?
That’s what the look on her face said.
I could tell she was tired. So I repeated it again.
“You don’t have to go down that far.”
“But I’m doing overhead squats!”
I love her, but she wasn’t doing overhead squats.
To be honest I wasn’t sure what she was doing.

The Woes of CrossFit
Let me back up. This all happened the other day at Crossfit. I finished my workout and went over to cheer my partner on.

When I got to where she was lifting she seemed to be doing a kind of mini thruster. She would dip half way into a squat and then come up and do a shoulder press. That day we had to do 50 overhead presses and 50 front squats.

I thought she was doing overhead presses, but she was squatting down really far. So I told her she didn’t need to dip that far. That’s when she said she was doing overhead squats. I tried to explain the mix up to her, but it didn’t seem to help.

After a short discussion she realized her error. She had been doing an extra shoulder press with each front squat. She looked defeated.

Almost everyone in class was done or close to it. She still had several reps to go.

I stayed with her and encouraged her to keep going. She made it to the end. But I could tell she felt stupid making that mistake.

We were able to laugh about it later, but I realized there was a valuable lesson in the experience.

Aaaaawk –warrrrd.
Grace is something most of us value. As a kid being awkward is painful.

You can be a nerd, a band geek, even an outcast, but if you’re awkward it’s the worst. So we spend much of our time trying to be smooth and cool.

This all adds up to a strong desire to do things perfectly and to never let anyone see you make a mistake.

Mistakes Help
The problem is that mistakes help us. If we are not making some mistakes, we are not learning. When we go for it we’re bound to stumble and fall. We may even embarrass ourselves in front of other people. But that’s ok.

Making mistakes helps us see we have veered off the path. That way we can get back on track.

It also releases our fear of screwing up. We see that making a mistake isn’t that bad. We didn’t die and often no one even notices.

The Value Of Mistakes

But our mistakes can also be a great asset to us. For example in the world of photography mistakes have led to great works of creativity. Take for example Jill Greenberg’s Monkey portraits. The artists reports in several interviews that she took the pictures by mistake. She was doing some client work and just liked the attitude of the monkey. And it led to an amazing series of portraits admired by photographers all around the world.

Just look at this picture for example. It shows so much of personality of the monkey all while still holding Jill’s unique way of lighting and painting the subject. She makes the monkey seems both very human and at the same time very clinical. The background reminds one of any studio portraiture and yet the personality elevates the subject to the realm of the human and maybe even further to the divine.

And yet this picture never would have taken place. Had it not been for Jill’s mistake. She executes her technique with great skill and clearly by this picture and the others in the series has a plan, but she’s also open to something random and new.

Ms. Greenberg went on to try other bold projects like that of End Times a series of works that depicts children crying. This project went on to get her in trouble with many people because well she made kids cry.

But much of her success has been due to the fact that she is willing to take risks.

Whether or not you feel that these pictures depict art or cruelty her boldness has served her well.

Disclaimer: No girlfriends were harmed in the writing of this post.

You Can Read My Partners Blog Wordsavant by clicking here.

Photo Credits

March 10, 2013 by Toku on Meditations

Stop Moving Backwards - An Interview with Life Coach Jaclyn Costello

Have you ever waned to stop moving backwards, let go of the past, and really live your life?

This week I had the chance to speak with Jaclyn Costello from EnlightenLifeCoach.com
I discovered Jaclyn when I read her article “Now is the Time to Heal” on under35project.com.

We talked about what life coaching is and why it’s hard to change your life. At the end she shares a great exercise to help us let go of the past and start moving forward today.

[vimeo 61387146 w=500 h=375]

Listen to Audio

Interview Questions:

Or Download Episode As A Podcast – Click Here

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1. Your website says you do Progressive Life Coaching, What is that and how is it different from regular life coaching or other types of self improvement work?

2. How did you get interested in working with people in this way?

3. Are their elements of mindfulness and fitness you use with clients? and if so how do you use them?

4. How can people transform their lives is a lasting way?

Jaclyn Costello Interview Mindful Fitness Movement

Jaclyn Costello Bio
I am a writer, professor, & life coach, living in Las Vegas, Nevada where I currently teach at UNLV and run my coaching business. I recently finished my first book of fiction (Artifact), as well as my first book of poetry (How to Be a Human)– both of which I’m sending out at this moment to potential publishers and agents.

After years of trial and error, I’ve chiseled down my life purpose to three things:

1) exploring the world, spirituality, love, and the far reaches of the human condition
2) expressing what I know through stories, novels, and poetry
3) helping others become empowered in their own lives, ease their suffering and fears, reach their greatest potential, create loving relationships, and achieve peace of mind

To read more about what I offer, come on over to EnlightenLifeCoach.com. Or to learn more about me as an artist/writer, visit JaclynCostello.com. All the best!

Finally I want to thank Jaclyn for talking with me. She was a pleasure to talk to and I really appreciated her wisdom and insight.

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March 6, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

Doing It Harder Makes It Easier

How Obstacles Arise
My teacher Hogen Bays used to say whenever we set an intention, in that moment, all the obstacles to its completion arise.

Before you decide to do something there are no problems. For a long time I never really understood this. Then I started training for triathlons.

Tri Tri Again
Before I decided to start training for my first tri, my little commuter bike was fine. As soon as I needed to be riding 2-3 times a week, I realized I needed to get a better bike.

I also wasn’t a very strong swimmer before I started training. But that wasn’t a problem either. I had never needed to swim very far. All of a sudden, I was going to swim 1500 meters in open water. AHHH!

The more I trained the more obstacles seemed to arise. I got shin splints, then IT band syndrome. I had to buy new running shoes. My training partner got injured. The list went on and on.

Don’t Quit
Even though it seemed to be getting harder, I kept going. When I got to my first race, I was nervous. I’ll never forget the sound of the starting horn. Or the feeling of diving into the water.

I struggled with the swim. I did great on the bike except for falling once. The run just about killed me.

As I ran across the finish line, I realized what my teacher meant.

No Problems No Progress
Without all the problems I had to overcome I’d never have finished the race. If it had been easy, I wouldn’t have built up the resolve to keep going.

The world is not what stands between us and our full potential. The world is the path to our full potential.

MindFitMove Practice
Think of an obstacle you are facing in your life.
Write down how you would have to grow and what would you have to give up to overcome it
Then write down what you could manifest and who you would be if you did.

Speak Up
What obstacles have you faced and how have they helped you get where you are today?

February 7, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

All Exercise Is Meaningless

“C’est La Vie”
Photo by kcxd

Every bit of exercise you do is meaningless.

Don’t Just ‘DO IT’
For years, I did things without knowing why. I may have had reasons, but they were hidden from me. Living at a Zen monastery changed that.

Before every activity at the monastery we said a dedication. We’d recite a chant and then dedicate the merit to someone or something.

After a while, I stopped thinking about why we did it.

When I left the monastery, I noticed that many activities lacked weight. This was especially true for exercise. I wanted my efforts to be more than just an ego game.

Check, ‘Me’ Out
Fitness can become all about me, me, me. I want to have a six-pack so girls will look at me. I want to ride faster than everyone else, so I feel like a king.

This focus on the self makes parts the fitness industry hollow, shallow, and inauthentic.

I wanted it to be different. That’s when I remembered the dedications at Great Vow. So, I wrote a dedication for exercise.

All of a sudden, my exercise became an act of service.

I was exercising:

To have more strength to help others.
To help clarify my mind.
To live longer and serve more.
To support my family and friends.

This simple dedication changed the meaning behind my workouts. Best of all it can do the same for you.

A 4 step guide to writing a dedication for any purpose.

1. Write down a truth: What is it that you need to remember? Something you know is true in your heart, but often forget.

Some examples are: Anything is possible, Exercise isn’t selfish, I may not do it today, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do it someday.

2. Write down an intention: An intention is similar to, but not the same as a goal. It has more to do with internal energy rather than external measurement. It’s something only you can judge.

Some Examples are: I will feel more confident, I will move with more ease, I will change my life.

3. Write down who or what it’s for:We never exist in complete independence. If our course is only devoted to ourselves, the pursuit becomes hollow. When we dedicate our effort to others, it becomes much more.

Choose someone or something to dedicate your effort to. It could be an individual, group, or energy.

Some examples are: I run for my children, I’ll keep going for anyone who’s tried to lose weight and failed, I’ll keep trying in gratitude for the gift of life.

4. Write down what you want to embody:It’s not just about what we do. It’s about how we do it. How we do something is what makes it transformational.

Some examples are: I will embody the persistence of a mighty river, I will embody the strength of Martin Luther King, I will embody the energy of compassion.

Now that you have, your four sentences play around with them. Try putting them in a different order or change the wording.

A client of mine discarded sentences 2-3 and uses her first sentence alone. Do whatever it takes to make it your own.

photo by Candice Villarrea

Keep on Keeping On
All exercise is meaningless, until we realize it’s meaning.

Moreover, seeing our motivation can be very powerful. This process helps find what drives you. Most of all, coming back to your dedication will keep you going when the path gets steep.

I’d love to read your dedications. If you want to share it, please post it below.

Here is the dedication I often use:
My body is subject to old age sickness and death. Nothing I do can change this. I put forth this effort that I may be able to approach everyday with more courage, wisdom, and compassion. I dedicate the merit of this effort to the liberation of all living beings. May my every step embody the path of liberation.